I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Randomize
