My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Randomize
