it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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