Christians are straight up FREAKS
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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