They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
