Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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