I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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