I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Randomize
