Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
