Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
As shirtless as possible
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
