fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Randomize
