Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
