Please don't use social media to get back at me.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Randomize
