I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
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