This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Randomize
