My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
Someone shit on the floor
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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