after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
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