I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
