This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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