So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Randomize
