"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
