I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
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