Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Randomize
