So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
