Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
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