so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Randomize
