awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
