hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
