Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
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