He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
