No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
