the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
