Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
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