You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Randomize
