theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
