he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
