The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
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