True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
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