you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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