We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
