I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Randomize
