why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
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