woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
