I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize
