Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
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