Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Randomize
