I only kidnapped one of them. chill
But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
I made him laugh his dick is mine
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Randomize
