just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
