bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Randomize
