I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
