I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
