You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
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