Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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