he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
