Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
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