So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
