MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
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