Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Randomize
