Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
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