I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
