Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
